More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You’ve ever lost a loved one to kudzu.

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

You’ve ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

Name: _____________________ Date: _______________

_____________________________________________________

KNOWLEDGE:__ Really knows what he’s doing.

__ Knows just enough to be dangerous.

__ Only half a brain and is dangerous.

__ His coffee cup has a higher I.Q.

_____________________________________________________

ACCURACY: __ Does excellent work is not preoccupied.

__ Pretty good accuracy with large numbers.

__ Must take off shoes to count above ten.

__ What’s a number?

_____________________________________________________

ATTITUDE: __ Extremely co-operative.

__ Brown noser in good standing.

__ Often annoys co-workers and fights.

__ Doesn’t care, never did, never will.

_____________________________________________________

RELIABILE:__ Works so hard he gets extra days off.

__ Very dependable.

__ Rely on his being first one out the door.

__ Absolutely totally worthless.

_____________________________________________________

APPEARANCE: __ Extremely neat and clean.

__ Looks great on his day off.

__ Flies take him over fresh manure.

__ Dirt, filthy, smelly, and ugly.

_____________________________________________________

PERFORMANCE: __ Works hard if money is involved.

__ Does great work–at evaluation time.

__ Works well after ten cups of coffee.

__ Couldn’t do less if he were in a coma.

_____________________________________________________

LEADERSHIP: __ Carries chainsaw and gets good results.

__ Macho attitude. Commands total disgust.

__ One time some listened to him whine.

__ Unable to lead even the most ignorant.

_____________________________________________________

I understand that I have been counseled and understand

my rights under the privacy act of 1974. I further

acknowledge that I am as stupid as a football bat,

and I will make some attempt to correct my deficiencies.

_______________________________________

Employee signature

“That case of gin I had when your boys caught me. I’d like that”, says the Englishman. He’s provided with his gin and is taken off to a teepee for his final night. The Englishman drinks two bottles of gin.

In the morning the Indians dispatch him, skin him and make him into a canoe. The canoe lasts a couple of days when it tears on a rock. Next day the Chief walks up to the Scotsman, pinches the skin at the top of his arm and says, “Hmmm, heap, heap good skin, very, very thick. Will make heap, heap good canoe. You have a last request?

“Ah’ll huv ma whisky back”, says the Scotsman. He’s provided with his whisky and taken off to a teepee for his final night. The Scotsman drinks three bottles of whisky. He’s already dead when the Indians come to collect him the next morning. They skin him and make him into a canoe. The canoe lasts a week before it tears on a rock. Next day the Chief walks up to the Irishman, pinches the skin at the top of his arm and says, “Hmmm, heap, heap, heap, heap good skin, very, very, very, very thick. Will make heap, heap, heap, heap good canoe. You have a last request?

“I’d loike a fork.”, says the Irishman.

The Chief gives him a funny look but gives him the fork. The Irishman takes the fork, stabs himself repeatedly shouting, “Yer no makin’ any bloody canoe outta me!”

Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys.

“Correct,” said the chief. “How did you figure it out?”

The warrior answered, “It’s elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.”

There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: “No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you.”

So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief.

As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, Gods voice booms out again: “Okay ….. NOW you’re screwed.”

“Play swords?” asked the other. “How?” “Simple. Whip it out, smack
it till it’s hard, and we both whack’em together like swords.”

So they did, and they were running up and down the street, smacking
their dicks together playing swords.

Then, a gay man walked up to them and inquired about their actions.
“We’re playing swords!” yelled one of the bums.

The gay man wanted to play too. An hour later, the gay man was becoming
exhausted. “I’m tired,” he said. He bent over saying, “kill me!, kill
me!!”

Ingredients:

1. 532.35 cm3 gluten
2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.

Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston’s first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.

“Why, it’s bean soup,” she replied.

“I don’t care what it has been,” he sputtered. “What is it now?”