Everybody

Jul 04

Everybody

This is the story of four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it....

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A tight travel budget

Jul 03

A tight travel budget

All workers please be advised of the following changes to the travel policy. Memorandum To: All Employees From: Headquarters Subject: Business Travel Policy Guidelines Date: June 16, 2000 Due to fiscal constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees on travel for official business. The purpose of these policies is to save money,...

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The ten ifs of employment

Jul 02

The ten ifs of employment

1. If it rings, put it on hold. 2. If it clunks, call the repairman. 3. If it whistles, ignore it. 4. If it’s a friend, stop work and chat. 5. If it’s the boss, look busy. 6. If it talks, take notes. 7. If it’s handwritten, type it. 8. if it’s typed, copy it. 9. If it’s copied, file it. 10. If it’s Friday, forget it! Funny...

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How you made money

Jun 30

How you made money

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. “I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. “The next...

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Telemarketers go away

Jun 29

Telemarketers go away

How to Make a Telemarketer Go Away 1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, “How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?” 2. If you get one of those pushy people who won\’t shut up, just listen to...

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Nerds versus jocks

Jun 28

Nerds versus jocks

An answer to the eternal question “Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?” Michael Jordan will make over $300,000 a game: $10,000 a minute, assuming he averages about 30 minutes per game. Assuming $40 million in endorsements next year, he’ll be making $178,100 a day (working or not)! Assuming he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night...

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New element was found

Jun 27

New element was found

Administratrium, The New Element AMES, IA–The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight of 0. However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice...

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Equation of earnings

Jun 26

Equation of earnings

The Equation Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof has been developed that explains why this is true: Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power. Postulate 2: Time is Money. As every engineer knows, Work = Power * Time Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have: Work = Knowledge * Money Solving...

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Question and answer

Jun 25

Question and answer

Definition: A manager is a person who thinks that nine women can produce a child in one month. Robots: Our Steel Collar Workers. Q: What’s the difference between Xerox and the Titanic? A: The Titanic had a band. Q: What does Santa call his wife at tax time? A: A dependent Claus. Q: What do you call a credit union volunteer in a room full of bank directors? A:...

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Lost in a balloon

Jun 24

Lost in a balloon

Two hobbyists get into their balloon for an excursion. After a while, the wind unexpectedly picks up, and the balloon goes out of control. The two balloonists, with great effort, manage to keep the balloon stable, upright, and away from power lines. But they are lost. With more effort, they get the balloon near the ground. While floating over a country road, they...

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